You're welcome.
Sincerely,
The MZone
SCRIPT O-LIE-O!
TRESSELGATE DOUBLE FEATURE
And back for a special return engagement:
TRESSEL-I-AM
Two weeks ago - before Yahoo! Sports posted a story claiming that Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel knew about Buckeye players trading merchandise for free tattoos more than eight months before the school said it was made aware of the allegations - The Vest was photographed reading Dr. Seuss books to a group of school children in Ohio:
Well, in light of the recent allegations in C-bus, may we suggest the following for The Vest's next reading to the kids:
An excerpt:
We looked!
Then we saw him step in on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw him!
Terrelle and his tats!
And he said to us,
"Why do you sit there like that?
I know it is wet
And the sun is not sunny.
But we can have lots of fun
Lots of fun with booster money!"
"I know some good bars to go to,"
Said the QB.
"We can drive in the new car
The new car dealer just loaned me!
We will take the car, take the car out for a ride.
My coach
Does not care, so I have nothing to hide!"
Then Sally and I
Did not know what to say.
But Terrelle said Coach Tressel
Would look the other way.
But our fish said, "No! No!
Make Terrelle go away!
Tell that Cat with the Tats
You do NOT want to play.
He should not be here,
He should be on probation!
He should be suspended
With the rest of Buckeye Nation!"
"Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!" said the QB
"I won't get caught
Since my coach just ignores me.
Why, we can have
Lots of fun doing my thing
With a game that I call
Selling my championship ring!"
An excerpt:
I do not like the game's laws and its rules
I do not like them, they're only for fools
I did not like them during the days of Clarett
I do not like them nor have been busted just yet
I let Terrelle Pryor get his free tats
Then claimed, "Oh, I did not know about that!"
I do not like the rules they have about class
The N-C-A-A can kiss my Vest-wearing ass
I do not like the rules out on the field
And if we get busted, I'll surely appeal
I do not like the rules here in the 'Shoe
And our fans do not care as long as I beat the Blue
I do not like rules here or there
I do not like them ANYWHERE!
REDLINED FIRST DRAFT OF OSU LETTER TO NCAA
Yesterday, we printed in full Ohio State's letter to the NCAA regarding Tresselgate. Since then, portions of an earlier draft of the letter have been leaked. Initially, in addition to missing the first two games of the 2011 season and paying a $250,000 fine, Ohio State officials considered banning Coach Jim Tressel from spring practice and summer camps.
And that's not the only shocker.
In the MZone exclusive below, we have obtained a copy of the heavily edited rough draft of the last "Conclusion" paragraph of that letter. As you'll discover, significant changes were made before it was submitted.
The institution was wondering when the other shoe was gonna fall regarding the charade that is Cheaty McSweaterVest. How the hell it took this long is beyond us is very surprised and disappointed in Coach Tressel's lack of action in this matter. His behavior in this situation is par for the course out of character from him and is contrary to his proven history of saying one thing in those bullshit self-righteous books he pawns while doing another behind the scenes of promoting an atmosphere of NCAA compliance within the football program. Since this shit has been going on ever since his hiring as the head football coach in 2001 (i.e. Maurice Clarett, Troy Smith, etc.), he and his staff have ignored attended the NCAA rules education sessions on a consistent basis, regularly made up sought interpretations, and self-reported an almost laughably huge fuckload of nearly 400 secondary violations. His lack of truthfulness action in this matter appears to have been the result of thinking he was above the rules and wouldn't get caught as usual indecisiveness regarding the appropriate actions to take in this specific situation in which he was placed if you can even begin to wrap your head around what a huge set of stones it took to even try to pass that nonsense off as a plausible excuse, as opposed to a blatant disregard of NCAA legislation stretching back to his Youngstown State days. Nevertheless, we recognize that because he wins a lot of games and beats Michigan, we look the other way when we can and offer the insulting slap on the wrist punishment in this letter now that he should have forwarded this information in some manner to appropriate institutional officials. With the exception of this mistake that you know about, he is a man of integrity and high moral standards if you set the bar somewhere between, say, Pete Carroll and the SMU program during the Eric Dickerson years.
This institution really hopes you'll buy the ginormous load of horse shit in this letter in the same way you shockingly believed the whole 'Cam Newton didn't know' steaming pile appreciates the cooperation of your staff in this inquiry.
cc: The assclown who tried to fuck with The Game
Mr. James E. Delany
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